The insanity of comic con is that it grips everyone and throws them into a collective madness of fantasy with no beginning and no end. It’s like an endless loop of storytelling in a bottomless vortex. Everyone needs royalty. They need superheros to live out their dreams for them. The true hardcoreness of the end fan is an ecstatic abyss. The sheer numbers of hashtagged people who live in this fantasy world is mind boggling. Multitudes and armies stream through the gates to defend and exalt their kings and queens and exist in their image.

The industry is limitless. Find a personal unique way to addict the hordes of the nerdliness infinitum and cash in Forever. Plus you get to live in this really awesome swell parallel alternate universe that you are the supreme king of, ’cause you invented it duh.

And you might actually get to go there too eventually because fantasy is real now man, and they’re about to invent a parallel universe time machine, plus disclosure is about to happen and we’re about to meet the aliens who can do anything with virtual reality downloaded into a consciousness brain machine that’s even better and crazier than anything Ray Kurzweil thought of bro, so just watch out.

You know what’s messed about all the 80s rock guys: Motley Crue, Poison, Cinderella, Faster Pussycat, Warrant, RATT, et al? They all dressed like women. Hair teased, airbrushed makeup but I guess not the clothes. Their clothes were bizarre aggressive party costumes. They didn’t do this feminine styling because of transgenderism or some weird social liberation rights thing but to be hyper masculine and sexually predatory. It doesn’t seem to add up. What was their motivation? just a cultural meme? projection? It’s almost as if they thought, we can be more like the one’s we’re sexually conquesting so it will attract them to us. Like they could hypnotize them by being pretty like them or cast a charm spell and get them in their grasp. Or maybe they were were so attracted to women they wanted to be more like them and it made them feel sexier and more powerful. Or maybe they were just wasted and it felt good to look like that, and then it became a running lark, a meme as it were. Ultra masculine ultra hetero guys, dressing like women to accomplish their thirst for dominance and conquest. Who has answers here?

We wanted to start a YouTube channel but we didn’t know what to call it. It took forever to decide to actually start it just because we were like, well what’s the name going to be? If we don’t have a name how can we have a channel. And we discussed it and tried different naming techniques, and ancient kung fu open and closed hand styles to come to consensus on how to proceed. The following are several hundred thousand (give or take a couple hundred thousand) names that we didn’t use, after several namestorming sessions.

random ironing board
steam irony
bacon waves
AaronHeidi
PetaBruce
Christopher Beth
KillerBroccoli
Fast Food
KillerOatmeal
Grandma 69
triangle wheel
dynamite flower
horse coffee
fast guitars
Triangle Wheelers
golden mirror
Jet house
Rocket House
Ham Rocket
Door wall
Bacon radio
Video Bacon
Coconut Hamster
Coconut Tiger
Coconut Dynamite Aaron
Coconut Cobra
Pop Corner Dive
Fat Skeleton
A leather toilet in a paper Hat
Velvet Shower
Leather Bacon
Lemon Bacon
Luxury Vision
Lux-O-Vision
LuxoVision
DeluxoVision
DoubleLuxuryBurger
FriesPrize
FryzePryze
CashMonster
Hyper Mellow
HyperMelon
Override Bacon
Bacon Rebellion
Rebel Bacon
Bacon Rape
Tomato Potato
Bacon Hole
Bacon Slut
Luxury Burger
telepathic frog
cheese spider
Kryistal
Cryistal
Heiron
Dakobok
Arknunkson
Cappy and Blob
Billy Tommy and Mom
The Pond
Porridge Nose
The Undertown
Onion King
Daily Meat
Pinano
Napskin
Frustal
Koristal
Cactoso
Dirtcat
Bigdogpig
Cocanana
bananabutt

One technique was to take two disparate words or two words that didn’t go together logically or maybe did in some subconscious way and mash them together for like a potato cement type of amalgamation, you know, like a wheel dinosaur type of construction of a title, you get the idea. Another technique was just to blurt out any ridiculous sound like a driveling dolt. We thought about practical names that would describe a function such as Aaron and Heidi’s not about meditation or self help YouTube channel, or We Just Made This Channel to Become Rich and Famous, but they were too utilitarian and boxed in for our thinking. What if one day we wanted to do a video about how to refill semi-truck tires for free, and the next day a music video in the style of Norgewian Mozart Metal? Damn the algorithm we needed to be free. So one day, I just blurted out I dunno why don’t we just call it Bananabelly and we both started laughing, and said, no that’s way too stupid, you idiot.

So in unison it sounded like this.

Aaron: why don’t we just call it Bananabelly?
Aaron & Heidi: hahahahaha
Aaron & Heidi: No that’s way too stupid you idiot! (use stereo pan effect)

BANANABELLY AROUND THE WORLD:

YOUTUBE http://tinyurl.com/bananabelly

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/bananabellybutter/

FACEBOOK http://www.facebook.com/bananabelly

TWITTER http://twitter.com/bananabellytube

(yeah yeah yeah Season 8 sucked, redo Season 8 blah blargh)

I wrote this two years ago but forgot to post it because I was too busy watching Game of Thrones…

I’m done with TV. I don’t bother watching it anymore. Except Game Of Thrones. This is my 3rd time watching it. In a row. My DVR is filled up with missed episodes of every other show. Thanks Game of Thrones. For curing my addiction to TV. And replacing it with yourself, you horrible morphine heroin heroine sneaky snake oil Dungeons and Dragons drama salesman.

Like this is supposed to be a revelation or some amazing new awareness… What? Someone is addicted to Game of Thrones. Everyone is addicted to Game of Thrones you crasshole.

Just put them all together. They’re all the same. If you have a cellphone and you’re out in the city working or going to school you’re the same generation. Oh what’s the difference, they have secret sexting emojis and we remember cranking pencil sharpeners? Everyone can look up everything on Wikipedia at the same time and laugh at cat videos. We’re the same. A different generation were the lords and ladies who rode horse carriages to the masquerade ball and wore masks held on a stick. Wait a minute, they do that in Brooklyn now right? Nonwithstanding, after that unless you’re some baby boomer who wears tie dye and listens to classic rock about Vietnam, we’re all in the same pigpen.

The big difficulty now is wrapping your head around the emerging notion that since the brain does not create consciousness, we are all units of the same unified mind structure. To get up to speed, materialism, that is, that idea that we’re all separate beings and consciousness is created a la carte within each organism’s brain, you know the stuff being barfed loudly by clowns like Dawkins, has been rather trouncingly experimentally disproven by scientists. That means, that I am the same stuff as all the insufferable nematodes who have filthy wretched habits, ridiculous inaccurate opinions, and constantly overcrowd all the subway trains with their garlicized breath and unforgivable fashion mistakes. Those people are me? If I disagree with them, I disagree with myself? Yarg!

How do you write a good article? You have to have a point I think. It’s like, hey I work for this magazine now. Oh what do you write about? Oh whatever the hell. My last piece was about zebra stripe chromosomes and quantum paper shredders, so yeah mostly current events and political issues.

For those from Generation Z, who can answer all three correctly?

1. Who was the guitarist for Jimi Hendrix?
2. What number president was John Wayne?
3. What type of fish is a Corvette Stingray?

Listen, I don’t doubt it’s the one true authentic Holy Grail from the Last Supper. You’ve got a carbon dated certificate of authenticity issued by the Roman emperor and signed by Pontius Pilate, it was venerated by the Pope, and yes Jesus Christ did just materialize in the parking lot of the store, come in and authenticate it right before my eyes and then ascend through the ceiling in a sparkling mist, but I gotta be practical here. Christianity isn’t what it used to be man, there’s a lot less fans nowadays, and I gotta find someone who’s really gonna want to buy this thing. These collectors are rare now and there’s a lot of biblical grails out there. The market flooded when they found Noah’s Ark. I have to have it restored and then it has to sit on my shelves and take up space in the store. Who knows how long it’s gonna take for me to sell. I’m taking a risk here. Honestly, man, I’ll give you fifty bucks. Best I can do.

-Rick Harrison, Pawn Stars.

Though I have mostly geared down into a carnivore diet, at least for now, for health reasons, there are several plant foods I still hope to be able to eat long term, in ascending order of joy and deliciousness, but not non-toxicness:

8. AVOCADO. This non-sweet fruit might actually be safe to eat other than the obvious (insert toilet.jpg) FODMAP issues. Fruits are generally the least toxic plant “foods” so this green meany might be OK to indulge in occasionally.

7. C₂H₅OH ALCOHOL. Obvious reasons where damage is concerned here, also obvious where all the fun goes down, and especially delicious when it comes in the form of distilled agave hecho en Mexico.

6. ALMONDS. Nuts in general are in the dark sinister underworld regions of food health and safety, and I love most of them. I just put almonds as the national representative from this country of criminals and outcasts. With all the inflammatory factors, mineral and vitamin robberies, and nice rich layer of oxalate icing on top, I’ll possibly never eat almonds or other nuts again on the regular. Hopefully the sensual and seductive Macadamias can still come to the party if they behave.

5. COCONUT. Phytic acid? FODMAP? Tannins? Saponins? It’s a feisty little beast and it definitely has something sinister brewing inside that brown shaggy skull, but damn that tropical aromatic deliciousness! Oil, butter, cream, milk, shredded, gimme all forms of the yummies. Zsófia Clemens may have mentioned that coconut oil has a fatigue factor associated with it so boo hoo to that!

4. BANANA. Carbohydrates and sugars are the obvious hoodlums here, but the flavor and texture makes me feel like a happy great grandpa newborn baby just delighted to poop his pampers, especially when pared with my one true love, chocolate.

3. PEPPERMINT. I have no information on if this ultra-pleasant herb has subtly deleterious properties or not. It seems to be soothing to digestion. Hopefully it’s one of the good guys.

2. BACON. Yes, bacon. Though mostly made of meat, it has plant additives, like celery and sugar which are what cause it to be dangerous. When governments, newspapers, and other institutional liars and disinformation providers say “processed meat causes cancer” it’s actually the plant based additives in the meat that are the villains, not the meat itself. Oh and nitrates and nitrites… right, those wonderful chemicals found in… vegetables.

1. COCOA AND CHOCOLATE. Cacao Cocoa and Chocolate are the holy trinity of flavor and pleasure in the world of the foods and in life overall. I dream of basking in endless rivers of swirling chocolate and building and living in a heavenly castle of shiny smooth brown gold then eating the whole glorious thing, one chocolate brick at a time. Blasted, those vicious oxalates!

Throw the damn killer broccoli and spinach in the trash where it belongs!